Baby Mamma
by KMBlackwell
Summary: The title should be enough to explain where this is going. A short yet humorous encounter between Deadpool and Supergirl in her alias. Please review!


I've been thinking a lot about Deadpool lately—and of course with my wild imagination and desire to re boot the female heroine Supergirl…. I've landed on a funny sketch that crosses so many lines but I just had to run with it. So, enjoy this short piece and cheers to the duo that will never happen!

[Keep in mind that Linda Lee is Supergirl's (Kara Zor-El) alias]

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"Linda! You've got customers on table 12—make it quick!"

"I gotta go, Martha, I'll help you fix it when I get home. I'll let Clark know not to worry about it. Bye," Kara let out a heavy sigh when she hung up the phone. She had been waiting tables at this diner for over a year now and had grown weary of her mundane human life.

She wrapped an apron tightly around her petite waist. Kara took look at her reflection through a spatula to make sure that her golden curls were not poking through her brunette wig. She dug in her front pocket and pulled out a pair of reading glasses that hung low on the bridge of her nose. With a sharp breath, she pasted on a smile and walked toward the dining room.

"Ah, there is my favorite servant! Such a classy fox wearing your glasses—really digging the sexy librarian—although, next time, maybe a little more cleavage and a little less library…!"

Kara stopped on a dime when she saw the familiar red and black suit clutching her manager in a headlock. The diner was empty except for the three of them and the oblivious bus boy who had been wearing head phones while Deadpool was running amuck in the diner.

"What do you want, Wade?"

"Shh! Only my mother calls me that… and honestly, I want the best fucking blowjob on the planet—but your boss—J-E-F-F—keeps reminding me that this is a 'family establishment'! Well, I am glad we are all on the same page! FUCK! I am here to establish a family one cum shot at a time! — "

"WADE! What the-?"

"—Fuck is wrong with me? You didn't call me like you promised and now I think I might be a little depressed," Deadpool slammed the manager's head against a table top just enough to knock him out. He knew that if he actually killed anyone Linda would never see him again.

"Jeff!"

"Relax! I only gave him a little shove, he'll be fine—Speaking of which, you my lady are looking so sexy in that hair net! How about I give you a tip… you know, the one in my—"

Kara cut him off by releasing a full blown kick in the abdomen, sending Deadpool crashing through the large glass window and into the street. Kara checked over her shoulder to see that the bus boy was still completely unaware of what was going on around him. As she turned her head back to check on the jerk-off in the street she felt her wig being ripped off.

"I KNEW IT! Blondes are always trying to look smarter—I'll bet you fake your orgasms like you do your identity!" Wade pointed and laughed.

"How the hell are you still standing after that kick? I didn't even hold back—I felt your ribs cracking-!"

"Felt good, didn't it? You wanna know what else feels good? My DIC—"

Kara cut him off once more, this time by clutching his jaw in the palm of her hand and squeezing until it crumbled like a gumball. Wade let out a high-pitched squeal and then a muffled swear word as the bones in his jaw immediately regenerated.

"SHIT. You know it still kind of stings a little! Fuck… sorry for being honest about my man-changa," Wade shook his head free from Kara's grasp and swatted her hand away with the tip of a pistol.

"Well, you've compromised my alias. Now, what do you want?"

Deadpool did not hesitate. His hands went up Kara's skirt and clenched onto her bottom, a cheek in each hand. He slammed her back into the wall with so much force that Kara's body left a gaping hole in the sheet-rock. Kara barely had time to recover before a pair of 50 caliber pistols were raining down a shower of bullets in her face.

She easily avoided the attack by using her forearms to shield herself. The bullets ricocheted back into Deadpool's face but he kept shooting until he was out of ammunition. Before he could switch weapons, Kara wrapped her legs around Wade's torso and crushed his rib cage once more, giving her enough time to slither out of her hole. She knew she could end this by using her abilities but the risk was too great that someone else would get hurt. Once again she was holding back while fighting this asshole.

"Ha ha ha, ah, fuck me. I know you can do way better than that Linda Lee," Wade used air quotes around her alias.

"I don't have a reason to."

"Look, don't get me wrong, I would give my left nut to be with Supergirl, but right now, I gotta say, I'm not that impressed. WAIT. I know what it is… you're not… on your rag are you? That sure would explain how bloated you are… and let's face it, that spandex suit can only take so much—"

Kara launched a gas oven in Deadpool's direction. He howled with laughter as the stove landed on top of him.

"Wow! I think that hurt a little…. NOPE. Not really. But I am pretty sure this will-" Wade reached around and pointed his pistols at the leaking gas line dangling from the wall in the kitchen. Kara had just enough time to grab the bus boy and fly him out of the diner before it went up in smoke.

"Feeling those good vibrations-s-s-s! Such a sweeeeeeet sensation!" Wade was singing loudly as he urinated on the burning diner. "Heeeey! You think that bus boy will let me keep his iPod? I've been wanting one of my own and this dude has some killer tunes on this thing!"

Kara touched down behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Uh- hold on. Almost done… just gotta put my name on it…. D-E-A-D-P-O-O…oh shit, I'm out of ammo! Fuck! Who the hell is 'Deadpoo'? C'mon blondie, give me an 'L' – I'll bet your piss is as golden as your hair!"

"Wade. Cut the shit. What do you want?"

Deadpool zipped himself up and spun around. The two of them stood eye to eye both in their full hero attire in front of the smoldering diner. Police sirens whirled in the background of the most dramatic pause Wade could muster. He placed both hands on Supergirl's shoulders and let his head fall down in shame.

"I'm pregnant." 

_"Um, dispatch, you might want to send a senior medic to the scene, I have a conscious male victim with a twelve foot long steel piece of re-bar in his-"_

"Tell Supergirl that I don't care if she has to pay for the diner or not! I expect child support for little Juanita—and I plan on buying name brand formula—my nipples will never look the same if I breast feed—fuck!" 

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**Please review!** Thanks!


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